Word has it that Harrison Ford has finally agreed to do a fourth Indiana Jones movie (NOTE: In 2011, there is now a rumor of a 5th movie). I can’t help but wonder what fantastic lost artifact he’ll go after this time, but I think it would be sort of neat if Lucas and Spielberg sent Hollywood’s most renowned and resourceful pseudo-archaeologist after something from Middle-earth.
Such a movie could be the ultimate expression of Tolkien fan fiction, unlikely to ever be surpassed by anything in the future history of film and story.
What would be important enough to attract Jones’ interest, however? In the first movie he went after the Ark of the Covenant in the hope of keeping it out of the hands of the Nazis. The second pitted Dr. Jones against a revived Thuggi cult which was stealing the five stones of Siva (and four of them, unfortunately, were dropped in a river filled with crocodiles). The third movie had the Jones boys fighting the Nazis once more for control over the Holy Grail.
Middle-earth provides a few interesting artifacts which aren’t fully accounted for. The first great artifacts were the Silmarils. These jewels, created by Feanor in Valinor, preserved the light of the Two Trees of the Valar and were themselves hallowed by the Valar. The Noldor fought their long and desperate war with Morgoth for the Silmarils, but they failed. Beren and Luthien recovered one of the stones and this gem alone of the three was preserved, returned to the Noldor in Valinor by Earendil and Elwing.
The other two Silmarils were lost. Maedhros threw himself with one stone into a volcano or a fissure which had erupted during the struggles between Morgoth’s armies and the army of Valinor. His brother Maglor threw the other jewel into the Sea and wandered off.
People familiar with the Bible may recall Peter found a jewel in the mouth of a fish. Although I wouldn’t suggest that Peter’s jewel was the Silmaril, it is equally plausible to suppose that some fish eventually swallowed the Silmaril. For thousands of years this jewel could be passed through the innards of fish after fish for various reasons, occasionally finding its way back into the deep dark waters. Eventually, it could find its way back to land through the auspices of some very fortunate fisherman.
And then the adventures would begin. The jewel would have passed through various owners down through the centuries, earning mention in some lost tome or two, until finally some rich industrialist with a fancy for jewels that can provide unlimited power decides he absolutely must have the Silmaril. This would be bigger than the atom bomb. But now, instead of the Nazis, Jones must contend with the communists, who are also desperately seeking for the lost artifact as a means of helping to defeat Nazi Germany.
Jones must uncover all the vital clues that lead to the ancient stone of the Elves without letting it fall into the hands of evil industrialists or misguided communists. And, of course, a few Nazis can show up looking for the ultimate solution to their own power problems. That the Silmaril is hidden in an ancient Inca temple in the Andes won’t come as any surprise to the audience because everyone knows the Dalai Lama was given charge of the sacred jewel generations ago and he sent it to the last refuge of the Elves on Earth.
Of course, all the intrigue might seem too much for a Silmaril. Maybe instead the lost artifact is a Palantir. Imagine what your local spy agency could do with one of those babies, and two were known to have survived the Third Age. One, of course, was all but useless except for someone of very strong will and absolute authority, but the other Palantir (the Stone of Orthanc) was preserved intact. Aragorn used it to keep tabs on his kingdom and figure out where in the world he left his slippers.
The Reunited Kingdom of Arnor and Gondor lasted for many generations after Aragorn died. His descendants though long-lived gradually lost their longevity in Genesis-like fashion and eventually became indistinguishable from other Men. Eldarion’s heirs were kings for 100 generations of Men (about 2500 years) and the Fourth Age probably ended when the last king was toppled from his throne in some lost, long-forgotten corner of the northern world.
The Palantir and the king’s young son would have been taken to safety by loyal servants and a smattering of Wood-elves who were unable to build ships to sail over Sea. The Wood-elves retreated to the high mountains and raised the boy up to be…the first TRUE Dalai Lama (someone who lived centuries before Sonam Gyatso, who was appointed first Dalai Lama in 1578). Unable to continue their lives in the physical world, the Elves turned over guardianship of the Palantir to the True Dalai Lama and his followers, who kept the Palantir a secret for a thousand years before daring to use it again.
Finally, a descendant of the High Kings and the rightful Heir of Eldarion (from a younger line of the last royal family) claimed the Palantir and took it away from the Tibetan monks to seek his fortune and restore his kingdom, but he ran afoul of the enemies of the Buddha and was destroyed. The Palantir was lost and the monks of Tibet were dispersed. The subsequent Dalai Lamas were given the noble purpose of ruling Tibet, but they were no longer guardians of the Sacred Orb.
In his insane bid for power over the entire world, Napoleon found the Palantir in Egypt (where it had been hidden in the nose of the Great Sphinx, and he had ordered his soldiers to frree it by shooting the nose repeatedly). Napoleon took the Palantir back to France and with it he was able to become the most powerful man in the world, but a descendant of Eldarion rose in the ranks of Napoleon’s army to become a Marshal of France, and he reclaimed the Palantir, taking it to Sweden (yes, Marshal Bernadotte, who became King of Sweden and Napoleon’s sworn enemy).
Realizin that the Palantir was dangerous and could not be protected from the modern world, the Swedish government sent it overseas to lie hidden for decades in an old Spanish monastery run by a secret branch of the Jesuit order. However, as the power and influence of the Popes declined a renegade monk set about using the Palantir to make his fortune around the time of the First World War. He returned to France in 1914 and as he prepared to unleash his terrible power of knowledge upon the world the Germans bombarded the village where he was staying. The monk was killed and his stealthy, clever servant escaped with the Palantir, not knowing the stone for what it was but deeming it to be of some intrinsic value beyond normal wealth.
30 years later during World War II the former assistant of the renegade monk is now in charge of a super-secret spy organization which is selling information to both sides of the war. The United States government suspects the double treachery but cannot risk its relationship with the spy organization. So they hire Dr. Jones to investigate an ancient ruin in North Africa which just happens to be the location of the spy hideout. Jones arrives at the dig only to find that the spies knew he was coming. They throw him in a pit with snakes and….
On the other hand, the artifact wouldn’t necessarily have to be an Elvish one. The Arkenstone, for example, would be a pretty powerful source of energy in its own right. Indiana and Marcus Brody might be puttering around in the old Archaeologists’ home and hear some fantastic tale about a jewel shaped by ancient Dwarves. “Dwarves!” Brody would say. “What nonsense! Surely you don’t believe this fantastic tale, do you, Indy?”
“Nah, Marcus. But there’s a grain of truth inside every fantasy. There must be some kind of jewel out there. This could save the museum.”
“Do you think so? We could pay off the mortgage and prevent the foreclosure on the museum!”
“Yeah, Marcus, but there’s just one problem. The only person who knows where to find the Arkenstone is…the Dalai Lama.”
Of course, there are still Dwarves hanging around and they are jealously guarding the secret of the Arkenstone in their hidden fortress in the Andes. The road to the underground fortress is guarded by weird lifelike statues of short, squat Druedain. These humble, good-natured men live primitively in the rain forests at the foot of the Andean mountains, guarding the way from all intruders. But they have a sacred test which will reveal a true heir of Eldarion. If he can make it past the Seven Statues the Dwarves will know he is truly worthy to inherit the Arkenstone.
So Indiana finds his way up the mountainside, braving one fierce magical statue after another and learning bit by bit that he is the true heir of Eldarion, ordained by fate to restore the lost treasures of Middle-earth to a world which desperately needs their virtues….
Or, it could be that a logging company seeks out the retired Indiana Jones to ask him about some strange trees they have found living in a rain forest in Africa. As Jones listens to their fantastic account of how the trees seem to come to life and defend the forest against all attempts to harvest the wood in the forest he recalls an adventure from his younger days, when he was seeking the lost crown of Gondor in Ethiopia and subsequently found his way to the center of Africa. There in a city surrounded by moving trees lived a beautiful Elf queen whose people were threatened by trolls and orcs.
Of course, it may be that they’ll just send Harrison out to look for a prehistoric artifact from space, a sort of light-sword weapon that was used a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….
This article was originally published on June 23, 2000.
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